The Words from My Parent Which Saved Us as a First-Time Parent

"In my view I was merely just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

However the actual experience rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her main carer while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The straightforward statement "You aren't in a good place. You must get assistance. In what way can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While society is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a larger failure to communicate amongst men, who still hold onto negative ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a sign of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a pause - spending a few days overseas, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son better understand the expression of emotion and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "bad choices" when younger to change how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like you before having a baby. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead provide the stability and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."